In today's podcast, Brandon, Christine, and Justin discuss why it can be difficult to keep your goal once you have manifested it. Self-sabotage is incredibly common after one has manifested a large next level goal.
Why is this, though? Shouldn't your subconscious mind already be caught up with the reality of your goal by the time you receive it?
We'll shed light on this topic, and help you to know the best ways to prevent this from happening.
Music composed by Collective Intelligence Music
Discussed in today's podcast (click the link to jump to that section of the transcript):
- Your Goals Transform You
- Your Subconscious Does Know the Difference between Imagination and Reality
- Example: Brandon’s New Job
- Avoiding Self-Sabotage
Brandon: Welcome to Co-Create Your Life. This is episode 18, “Why Holding on to Your Goal Can Be Just as Hard as Manifesting It.” I am Brandon Olivares.
Christine: And I'm Christine Olivares.
Justin: And I'm Justin Williams.
Brandon: We have not been here for quite a while, so I apologize for that. [laughs]
Christine: It's been a little busy bee.
Brandon: I've been very, very super busy. As everyone probably knows (who has been reading the blog), I got a job about a month and a half ago in the beginning of April, so that's been keeping me really busy. It's been hard to find energy to do much of anything. We're making a couple changes. Podcasts are a lot easier for me to do than blog posts. It's a lot faster, so we're going to be doing a lot more podcasts, I think. We're shortening them to a half an hour because it's going to be more manageable for both us and for those who are listening/reading just because it's shorter. I think it's going to be a lot better. We can do a lot more topics that way, too. It won't take as much time. That's what we'll be doing in the future, at least how it's currently planned, but who knows.
To start with some announcements, if you would like to see the show notes for this episode or to read the transcript or leave a comment, you can go to cocreationcoaching.org/create018.
That rhymes, “Create, zero one eight.” [laughs] Or, if you would like to ask a question, you can head over to cocreationcoaching.org/ask/create.
Your Goals Transform You
Brandon: Again, today's topic is actually one I find is very, very under-emphasized in the law of attraction community. That is what happens when you actually get your goal. I'm not talking about just small goals. I'm not talking about finding that parking space or getting $20 or something like that. I'm talking about a goal that really requires a huge shift in subconscious structures, because that kind of goal really, really changes you. I wrote a blog post quite a while ago, back in December of 2016, about how your goals transform you. This is exactly what happens.
As you're working on a goal (as you probably already know), it changes you because you have to become the type of person who can receive that goal. Who you are when you start manifesting the goal is not who you will be when you get the goal, assuming you do get the goal. It has to change you. Otherwise, with who you are right now, if it were easy to get in your current state of consciousness and awareness, you would already have it. It would be easy. You wouldn't have resistance. Think of something that's really easy for you. If you just think about it, everyone has things they can manifest in maybe a couple days maximum.
Brandon: Food, yes. Money, for me. I can get $20, $50, sometimes $100 really easily, just thinking about it and it just happens. That is a current level goal. I know this is basic stuff. We all know this, but just for anyone who might be new to this. That is a current level goal, and it's really easy. It doesn't require anything from you because you already have it. You already have the subconscious programs to go and get that right away with just thinking about it. I always compare this to playing a musical instrument. My example is piano because I'm trained in classical piano. If you know a really simple piece on the piano—it doesn't have to be really simple, but just something that is at your current level, you don't have to do anything.
Brandon: You don't have to do anything to try to master it. It's already done. It could be difficult to someone else, but to you, you've already created those neural pathways and everything through practice, so it's easy. But if you pick up another piece that's harder, or it has different technique, it's not going to be easy to you. You have to become a different type of pianist, namely, one that can master that technique, in order to play it.
I think that translates well to what we're talking about with goals. You have to become the type of person who can receive that goal in order to receive it. What does that have to do with our topic? I think that what happens a lot of times is we have this mistaken linear idea. Justin, let me know if you have noticed this. Say I have this big next level goal. By the time it comes to me, it will feel easy in my subconscious. It has to feel easy in my subconscious before I actually get it on the outside. I'll practice on the inside. It will get really easy. Then I'll get it on the outside, and I'll be like, “Oh, yeah, I expected that. It's nothing.” That's kind of the expectation we have, isn't it?
Justin: Yes. Sometimes that's how it's explained. Not to say that can't happen, but that doesn't happen all the time.
Brandon: Right, exactly.
Your Subconscious Does Know the Difference Between Imagination and Reality
Justin: Sometimes it can happen like that, but what I like to really compare this to is when you win a championship. Say you're the defending champions in the NFL or NBA or whatever it is. It's always harder to defend it, to actually be the champion. Boxing, any of that. It's always harder to be the champion because you get everyone's best shots. For this, when you get that goal, you get everything, all the inner and outer temptations that come with that goal. You have to actually adjust to those, whether it's “How do I spend my extra money? Oh, wow, I have this temptation in front of me. I can go buy and do this because I'm making this much money per year.” You're not able to really plan for it, but if you do this much of x, it's going to put you back to where you were. You have to really plan for that.
Brandon: It's usually oversimplified. We think, “Oh, yeah, once it becomes easy on the inside, then it will just come and enter into our life like we always had it and always were expecting it. We'll just move on.” I do talk about it becoming normal, but there's two different things, though. The dangerous idea I think that people have is that there's this common misconception out there that your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality. I'm not convinced of that, just because of the experiences I've had. I do think it is influenced through imagery—through your imagination, visualization—but I absolutely think it can tell the difference between imagination and reality.
Christine: I don't know why it couldn't.
Brandon: Right. I don't know why people say that. It's just one of those things people say, one of those aphorisms that just float around. “Oh, yeah, the subconscious can't tell the difference between imagination and reality.”
Christine: It's a part of you, so of course it can.
Brandon: It's like that other one people say, “The subconscious doesn't know the word 'no.'” Yes, it does, but it's a lot more complicated than that. It's a lot more involved. To prove it, imagine you have a goal. I like to work with money goals. They're so quantitative. Let's say you have a goal. Pick twice your current yearly income. I'll just give an example. Let's say you're making $50,000. Pick $100,000 a year. That's what your goal is.
On the inside, you can imagine. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but you can get to the point where you can imagine, “Yes, I'm making $100,000 a year. It feels really good. I'm really happy about it. It's starting to feel normal. Great, great, great. That's wonderful. I feel really normal about this. It's really easy. It should be right around the corner.”
You all who took “The Art of Reality Creation 2.0” will know what I'm talking about here with the inner and the outer path we talked about. What's happening is that you're creating an inner path to your goal. As that's happening and completing, your subconscious mind is finding pathways of least resistance on the outside to make your goal come about. It might be a promotion. It might be a new job. It might be a side business. Whatever.
Let's say it actually happens. Let's say tomorrow, you somehow, in one way or another, get that goal. Now you're getting $100,000 a year. Imagine your bank account being twice as much as it is now regularly. Imagine having a lot more money to spend. Imagine all that stuff happening. It just happens. It's a new lifestyle. It's a new way of being. It's just totally new. It's going to be uncomfortable.
Christine: Well, sure.
Brandon: Because no matter how much you imagined having $100,000 a year, imagination and reality are worlds apart.
Christine: And look at what happened to you. When you got your job, you were…
Brandon: I'll bring up that example in just a second.
Brandon: No, it's fine. It's a good example. They're worlds apart, imagination and reality. When you can imagine it easily, great. But when you actually get it and live the lifestyle of it and you actually have that as an everyday reality, with all its challenges (because it does have challenges) and with all its positive aspects as well, it just feels totally different. The bigger the goal, the more this will happen. It's totally different. You can't just imagine that and then get it. “Oh, yeah, it's easy. I'll step right into this and it's no problem.” Yes, with smaller goals, maybe a smaller next level goal that's not so different from where you are. Let's say a 25% increase or something like that. Okay, that's not a huge change, right? But if you say double, double is big. [laughs] Double is pretty huge. That's going to be a lifestyle shift. People will say things like, “I can be a millionaire. It's so easy. I know exactly what to do.” I'm sorry, but if you were actually in that lifestyle, things would be totally different.
Justin: It's not un-doable, but it's big. You wouldn't know what to do because you've never been. There's opportunities to grow yourself you would flat miss because you wouldn't recognize them. There's all kinds of weird stuff that would happen.
Example: Brandon’s New Job
Brandon: Christine gave the example of my job. I know this is my example du jour lately, my favorite example to go to. When I got the job, I've taken time figuring out how to put this into words, because it's hard to grasp why this would be the case logically, but it just was. It was an existential shift. It felt like a whole new identity. Who am I, this person who has a full-time job and is making this much a month, this much a year?
Justin: With a business on the side.
Brandon: With a business on the side. [laughs]
Justin: No, to me, I understand it because you're actually not used to the opportunities that are available. In order to actually take advantage of that lifestyle, you have to be able to take advantage of those opportunities. You have to keep up with the people on that level in order to actually grow like you're supposed to.
Brandon: Right. It was a whole new experience. Yes, I imagined being off of SSI. That was my actual goal. I imagined being off of SSI, and that became relatively easy. I'm not going to say it was super easy, but relatively easy. I never fathomed the existential—I don't want to call it “crisis,” because that sounds dramatic.
Christine: Like an identity crisis.
Brandon: Like an identity crisis.
Justin: What does everything mean? Everything looks different. Of course.
Brandon: Yes, who am I? What am I here for? What am I doing? I thought I was meant to do this spiritual purpose and whatever, and here I'm being a programmer, so a little bit of guilt about that. My whole life, I thought I was meant to have a spiritual purpose and that's it. Now I'm a programmer making a lot of money. I love it, but it's so different from what I thought was going to happen. [laughs]
Justin: No, it's not. To you. To me, I always saw you as a programmer. I'll tell you this, Brandon. Straight-up, that's a great example of a spiritual path. You've got it. It branches a little bit, but you've shown how to do it both ways. You've shown that you can use that energy to do it both ways. You're teaching the existential part right now. This is brilliant.
Brandon: Exactly. I always preach about how magic is in mundane life. It's everywhere. It's not just in this transcendent state. It's everywhere. Programming can be spiritual. Anything can all work together. It took me a while to get used to. That existential spiritual part of it plus the higher balance in the bank account. Tonight I was telling Christine about—we just got a new online bank account, and we're transferring stuff—it only allows $5,000 in the first month that you can transfer and that's not very much. She's like, “It's not?” [laughs] That became a new reality for us. For me, it's normal. $5,000, whatever. I'm going to transfer because there's more than that.
Christine: When he told me how much, I was like, “What?”
Brandon: She was like, “We have that much in the account?” I said yes. I see it every day, so it became normal. At first, I was like, “Whoa, that's a big number.” All at once in one account, that was a big number.
Christine: Do you remember when you used to be scared to look in the bank account?
Brandon: Yes. Oh, yes. I used to be really scared to look at the bank account.
Christine: Then you wouldn't.
Brandon: Then I wouldn't, and then things got really bad. Things like that. But you do get used to it. It took a while to get used to that reality—probably several weeks or a month or so.
Christine: You're what—seven weeks in now?
Brandon: Yes, seven weeks.
Christine: It will be on your eighth week. Holy crap.
Brandon: It is definitely a shift. Any big goal is going to be the same thing. It's going to be existential, almost. It's going to be a new identity. Your ego is going to feel it. It's going to be a new lifestyle. I've really been trying to get organized because you can't just let more money lie around. You have to organize it and be smart about it. I've been doing a lot of that kind of stuff. You have to know what to do. You have to get used to the new life. That's what happens when you get this new goal.
Here's the thing that happens. Yes, you imagine it. Yes, it feels easy, but then you get it. Your subconscious is not quite there yet. It's close enough that you're able to get the goal, but it's not quite totally there yet. Here's what happens a lot: self-sabotage.
Brandon: Luckily it did not happen to me. I was very careful. Very, very careful. It was a hard thing.
Christine: It could have happened to you.
Brandon: It could have happened. I got very anxious for quite a while. “Oh, my God. I'm not good enough for this job. I'm going to fail.”
Christine: That's why you had me to beat you into submission.
Brandon: [laughs] Usually when I have a lot of responsibility, I get really panicked.
Christine: You actually really didn't this time.
Brandon: No, I almost did a few times. Then I'm like, “Slow down. I can do this.” Your subconscious mind—it takes time to actually get there. When you actually get the goal, you're not all the way there subconsciously. Your subconscious structures are just settling in. They can support it, but just barely. It takes really fine balance, really careful work to maintain that.
It's so common. You hear this all the time. “I had the goal, and then I freaked out and I lost it.” Why would that be, if your subconscious mind is already used to it from you imagining it? Why would you freak out and lose it? The only answer to that question is because it's not used to it. It's not. It's used to the visualization and inner vision of it, but it's not used to the reality of it. When you step into that reality and actually have it in your hands so to speak, it's totally different. It's a totally different way of being and living. Your subconscious mind has to get used to that, and that's hard.
Self-sabotage is extremely common. You have to really, really watch out for that. Like the title of this said, it can be just as hard, if not harder than, actually manifesting the goal. When you're manifesting the goal, nothing's on the line. “I hope it happens, but truly nothing's lost if it doesn't.” When you have it, you can lose it. I'm not going to mince my words. You can lose it. That is terrifying.
You don't want to sabotage yourself, so you have to be really, really careful when you actually get the goal to let that resistance go. You will have resistance. You think, “How can you have resistance to current reality?” You do. [laughs] You absolutely do, so you have to manage that. In time (in my experience it was a few weeks, up to a month), you'll get used to it. It might take several months to fully step into the role of your new manifestation. That's why I've been taking a break with really big manifestations lately. I'm a lot more comfortable, but still sometimes I get a little anxious about it.
Christine: Like you had a rough week this week.
Brandon: That wasn't anxious, that was just being swamped. We're trying to release this new version of our software and fix all these errors. It can take several months to fully embody your goal and fully live it. You'll get 99% of the way there in the first month, generally. This is just to point out that just because you're there doesn't mean you're there and you're done worrying about it. You can lose it. I don't want to scare people, but it's possible. With big goals.
In general, in the law of attraction community, we don't talk enough about getting these big goals. “Oh, yeah, I saw a butterfly.” [laughs] Little things that don't mean anything. That's not why we're here, though. We're here for the big stuff. We're here for really big life changes and shifts, becoming new people in order to get higher and better goals. That's part of it. Once you're there, it requires something totally different of you that you have never had to do before. How do you prevent self-sabotage? It's not that different from manifestation. It's the same processes, like mindfulness. You don't have to visualize it because you're already there. [laughs] You can visualize things going more smoothly if you want to, but you don't have to visualize getting the goal because you've gotten it. It's just a matter of when the fears come up, not letting them gain any kind of footing.
Christine: Really have confidence in yourself.
Brandon: Really have confidence in yourself. Don't let those fearful thoughts grow roots and get stronger. Don't let them do that. You allow them to grow roots by reacting to them emotionally, by freaking out and saying, “Oh my God, what am I going to do? I'm not used to this. This is so different. What if I lose it?” When those thoughts come up (“How can I do this?” “I don't deserve this”), don't react. It's the same thing as resistance. It's the same process. It's just scarier because it's right there in your face in real life. Just don't freak out about it. Don't react. Don't give it that emotional energy.
Christine: If you do freak out, go have someone talk sense into you. [laughs]
Brandon: Right. Like Christine. You can hire Christine. Just kidding. [laughs] Once you start having those thoughts, just let them be. Just like regular resistance, just let them be. Don't freak out about it. Don't react to it. The method I gave in “The Art of Reality Creation 2.0” can really help with that, that reality control room. I think that really helps because it helps you have better thoughts about your current reality instead of the resistant, fearful thoughts. That can really help. It's just being aware of the fearful thoughts and saying, “I don't have to have these.” It's not reacting emotionally when these things happen.
Justin: That's when your mindfulness really helps out. That's when becoming the blue sky really helps out. This is when everybody wants to do this feeling good thing. Let me feel good. I just want to feel good. This is when feeling good really helps, on this level. For all you people who were like, “Can't we just feel good?” At this point, yes. Yes, absolutely. This is probably one of your best methods. Just feel really good about what you've got going, and that will smooth out your current context. That will smooth it out for you.
Brandon: And on a practical level, keep in mind (because you'll want to return to the way you used to live) don't do that. Your instincts about what to do may not be totally correct if they're just telling you to do what you always did. Let's say it's money-related. The habits that made you not have enough money are not going to serve you when you have the higher-paying job.
Justin: I need to be able to do x, y, and z. I need to learn this skill. Beforehand, what would you do? “I can't afford the class. I better find some books.” You read three or four books. Not that that's not good. You could still probably read the books, but I'd sign up for the class. In other words, when you need the certification, you go get the certification. “I need to get this laptop, just to have. I need to get this hotspot piece of technology.” You just go out and get it. You don't try to scrape along. “Let me go as long as I can and string everything along until I absolutely have to.” No.
Brandon: Or, it could go the other way, where a lot of people will be addicted to spending. What a lot of people notice is, “I'm making 50% more or even double what I used to, but I don't have any more money.” Because you're doing the same thing you always did, just in a greater degree. You're just spending the money.
Christine: We know someone that does that.
Brandon: Yes. Oh, yes. That's not going to help you. I recommend for the first month, don't change your lifestyle at all. You're going to be tempted to go out. I'm just using the money example because it works. You're going to be tempted to have a shopping spree. “I got this big paycheck!” Don't do that.
Justin: Just blow the first one to get it out of your system. [laughs] We call it nay-ching. The nature part of flair, we call it nay-ching. Then go back to your normal regularly scheduled program for a couple of months. [laughs]
Brandon: Feel free to indulge a little bit, but in general, I recommend for about a month, don't change anything. Then you'll see at the end of the month, “Oh my God, I have this much left over in the bank.” This goes in a direction I don't need to go in right now. I'm honestly thinking about starting up a blog about financial management and managing your money, because I'm so passionate about that topic. But a lot of people don't think about the future. They don't invest. They don't save. They just spend. You don't want to do that. You want to think about how you have this new lifestyle. Again, money. If I want to be wealthier, what would a wealthier person do?
Christine: They're frugal.
Justin: They're smart with their money. They're not necessarily frugal. They don't necessarily spend a lot of money, but they make as much of their dollars as they can. I call it maximum efficiency, minimum effort. They try to take it and make everything work for them.
Brandon: Right. A few weeks ago, I was going through all my expenses and cutting expenses. Christine said, “Why are you cutting expenses?” I said, “Just because we have more money doesn't mean I want to spend more than I have to. Now I'm learning German, so I'm spending money on those lessons, so I want enough money to do that. But I don't want to spend money I don't need to. That's dumb.” People who are wealthy are not dumb. At least who are wealthy for long. [laughs]
Justin: True, they don't stay if they are.
Brandon: They don't stay wealthy if they are. Wealthy people don't spend money, because if they did, they wouldn't be wealthy. [laughs]
Justin: Remember, it's going to look different. You will spend a lot more money than you did because you can, but you're going to save a lot more money because you can.
Brandon: You will spend more, but for the first month, don't change anything. If you would have normally spent $300—that's our grocery budget—on groceries, don't go and double that. A better example is our weakness: ordering in. If you usually spend $200 ordering in, don't go and spend $300. Just keep it the same for a month. Then see where you're willing to indulge and where you want to be a little more frugal.
The same thing in any goal. This applies anywhere. In a relationship, you'll have a tendency to freak out about it. Don't go back and have your old habits. You want to not try to change a lot of stuff right away. Let things settle in first, and then you'll know what to do. Same thing with any kind of goal. That's what you're looking at.
You just want to take time to let things settle in and let your goals be more stable. Let your subconscious structures become more stable. Once they are, this will become the new norm, but it's not yet. It's not yet because you just got it. It's fresh. Eventually, within a few months or more, it will become normal. Then you'll feel the itch to go to that next level. But you have to let this settle in and not sabotage yourself in the process.
I think that, like I said, is a very important topic because it's just so easy (once you get that big goal that you've been waiting for for months or years) to freak out and go crazy being either too careful or going too far with it. Either way. Or allowing yourself to lose it. I hear that all the time with people. They get this big goal, and then they lose it. You don't want to do that.
I hope the examples and tips we gave today can help with that. As always, you can ask questions. You can leave comments in the show notes. Please let us know if you have questions about this. We're happy to answer. I hope that this helps you, once you have that big next level goal, to know how to deal with it. If you don't have it yet, you'll know what's coming up in the near future when you do have it. It will totally change everything. The bigger the goal, the more it will change and the harder it will be to keep. I know that sounds sort of depressing, but you have to be realistic about this stuff. That's what I wanted to focus on.
Once again, if you'd like to see the show notes for this or leave a comment or read the transcript, you can go to cocreationcoaching.org/create018 and if you would like to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes, I promise we'll try to be more regular. [laughs] I think the half an hour thing helped, though. That was really nice. You can go to cocreationcoaching.org/iTunes and that will redirect you to our iTunes page. With all that, I hope that everyone enjoyed this. I hope that everyone has a great weekend. We will see you soon in the next podcast. I am Brandon Olivares.
Christine: And I'm Christine Olivares.
Justin: And I'm Justin Williams.
Brandon: Anything is possible!
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How About You?
Now it's your turn. Have you noticed your own goals succumbing to self-sabotage, or have you been able to prevent this? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.