Well guys, I'm starting a new series of posts.
This one's been a long time coming, but I wasn't sure until recently that I'd actually go through with it, only after the Universe showed me several signs that I should indeed do this.
What exactly is “this”, you ask?
I've been feeling led to start a series of posts where I share my own personal journey with the law of attraction.
Generally when I post about my own manifestations here, it is already complete, or very close to being complete.
I've never really shared before about the process I go through to manifest, the struggles I experience, etc.
What Started All This?
So why did I want to do this to begin with?
Well, there's a manifestation I've been working on lately that is very big to me. It's one I've tried on and off for several years, but never quite succeeded with it.
As such, there's plenty of emotional baggage with it as well.
I've been more intensely working on this manifestation this year, with little success until lately, and much frustration.
You'd think that'd be a reason not to share my journey publicly, but the thing about me is, I love to share my own experiences.
So on one hand, I have been wanting a platform to discuss this particular manifestation, and on the other, it is pretty vulnerable to me as well, and I just wasn't sure of the interest there would be, either.
Signs From the Universe
That is, until the Universe started showing me plenty of signs that I should share about this and that there would be interest.
Within the span of a couple of weeks, I had two clients who just happened to mention that they were working on the same issue I'm working on, and I got to tell them a bit about my own experience.
Then, just yesterday, someone asked me a question for Readers Questions touching on this exact topic.
So a total of three signs within a few weeks… I was pretty convinced.
I knew these were real signs from the Universe, not just results of my own manifestation, because I hadn't been thinking much about sharing this lately. The signs just came out of nowhere, and were very clear in what they were trying to communicate.
A Continuous Journey
I want to say that this is just the current manifestation, though I expect it'll likely occupy my attention for at least a year or so.
But, I'd like to keep this series going, if people enjoy what I share here, to discuss any manifestation I might be going through in complete honesty.
I think there's a tendency with anyone who does this sort of work for people to see us as master manifesters, and as having everything figured out.
In the area of money, I've really made huge leaps in my life. In the area of relationships, well I've already been married for 6 years so that's taken care of. 🙂
But, being a “master manifester”, whatever that might mean, doesn't mean that there aren't areas of life that I struggle with.
In the past I've been hesitant to really share that part of myself. I've shared past struggles that I've already overcome, but really not current struggles.
But the fact is, we all have them. No matter how good you might be at manifesting, there's going to be that one area of life, or that one big goal, that's giving you trouble.
That's just how the game is made.
But I do want to be 100% honest with both my successes and my struggles.
So, here we go…
What's the Manifestation Already?
All right, I've been beating around the bush enough.
So what's the darn manifestation that I'm working on?
Health and weight loss.
Whew, it's out. Even just writing that is a bit difficult. :O
I've had issues with weight ever since I can remember. Part of that might be the hormone replacement I'm on for my hypopituitarism, as a result of my brain tumor when I was 4.
But, there's a whole bunch else behind it, too, such as my own family's view of weight, which gave me a lot of self-consciousness and body image issues.
We don't have to get into all of that today, since this is just meant as an introduction to this whole thing. If there's interest in my backstory, I'm certainly willing to share it. I've dealt with most of those inner monsters and so don't have too much of a problem with discussing them.
I also made several attempts to take care of the weight issue, with limited success. My biggest success was in my freshman year at Duquesne University, where I successfully lost about 45 lb (20 kg), but soon gained it back for various reasons, most of which I understand a lot better now.
I was able to ignore it for a long time, because from what I hear from others, I carry it pretty well. I'm 6'0" (183 cm), and have a larger frame.
As a perfect case in point, last time I was to my sleep doctor (I have sleep apnea), I weighed 317 lb (144 kg). For some reason the topic of weight came up, and he asked me what I weighed. I fudged the number a bit and said 310 lb because I was still very embarrassed about that weight (more on that later).
Anyway, he literally didn't believe me. He thought I was maybe 210 (95 kg). Even wanted me to get on the scale to make sure. But again, I was embarrassed and all, so I refused.
Point being, it's never been a major issue. Medically my stats are all pretty good as far as I'm aware. Blood pressure is maybe slightly above normal, but then sometimes it's below normal, so just depends on the day for me.
The Breaking Point
That being said, it was always one of those things that was in the background. I have serious body image issues, which is one of the reasons why I don't like to appear live on video, and will only use a picture of myself. I feel too self-conscious and it affects my performance. The other reason, incidentally, is that since I'm blind, my eyes can't focus, and that weirds some people out, and I don't want to have to explain on every video that I'm blind, not just unfocused or something.
Anyway, I was over 200 lb (91 kg) since high school. I was 250 (113 kg) when I met Christine in 2009.
I wasn't super happy about that, but I always comforted myself that at least I wasn't 300 lb. That seemed to be the point when things were really out of control. So I figured that as long as I wasn't 300 lb, everything was okay.
Then, of course, it happened. It was February of this year, and I was seeing my endocrinologist (for the above-mentioned hypopituitarism). They weighed me, and I was 317 lb, which I already discussed above.
That's when I started trying to manifest weight loss.
See, I had at least one major success in the past. That was when I was at Duquesne, when I dropped from 258 lb (117 kg) to about 215 lb (98 kg).
How did I do it? Good ol' calorie counting.
That was the only thing that ever worked for me.
But it was also super difficult in college, when I had no idea what the cafeteria put in their food, so it was extremely hard to log everything. I did, though, for about 3 months.
Then, stuff happened. I got tired of guessing, I think, and things started becoming more stressful, so I just slowly but surely slipped, and you know how it goes.
Anyway, I wanted to find a way that wasn't calorie counting, and a way that felt good to me.
So I started trying to be mindful of my eating and when I got full. I didn't let myself feel guilty for any food choices, as I figured that as long as I felt good eating it, everything would be okay.
I started weighing myself once per week.
And… that lasted all of maybe a week or two, when there was no progress on the scale, and I just got discouraged.
Breaking Point #2
So I gave up for a little while, though it bugged me much more than before, because again, being over 300 lb and all that.
Well then I went to my primary doctor last month and of course they weighed me, and… I was 333 lb (151 kg)..
I wouldn't even tell Christine about it at first, I was so embarrassed.
But then I had to face facts. Things would only get more and more out of control the more I ignored this.
Breaking Point #3
I think that really was the breaking point, but there was one more incident that really drove things home.
A little while later, we went out to dinner with some friends of ours.
These friends also struggle with weight, and actually are a bit bigger as far as I know.
But, one of our friends said that she just tested positive for diabetes.
And I think that simple realization was my final breaking point that I really had to do something.
One of my worst fears was always getting diabetes, though luckily all my blood work has thus far returned negative.
But, it just seemed a matter of time, so, I resolved that I had to do something about it.
Now seeing as this was only last month, and I'm writing it now, I've obviously not arrived at my goal yet. That will take quite some time.
At first, as I said earlier, I was going to wait until all of this was over before I shared my progress.
But, in the process of finding a solution that worked for me, I've learned a lot:
- About myself and why this happened in the first place
- About weight loss in general and what works and what doesn't
- About weight loss in regards to the law of attraction, and why my previous attempt earlier this year was misguided
And, there's just something in me that loves to share, even when it's very difficult, or even embarrassing, to do so.
These are things I have never posted here, and I deal with the fear that it may change how people see me.
But, I also feel as though I have to share my journey.
Can I guarantee that I'll be successful? No, of course not. In fact, statistically, only about 3-5% of people who try to lose weight, keep it off for more than 3 years.
But hey, we're not using the law of attraction to only get the things that are statistically likely.
In all reality, this is an ultimate level goal for me.
But, it's just something that has to be done.
Within a few weeks of the above events, I came to the solution that has been working for me thus far.
And I recognize it's very early to say that anything is or is not working. But still, I'm confident that it is.
Actually, there was something I planned on trying first, which did not at all work out, but more about that in the next post. This one's already long enough.
But, the solution I finally came upon put into context why I had failed before, and what I can do this time to minimize the chances of failure.
So, I began my journey on the day after returning from vacation, on September 7. I'll record a progress log below, as well as in every post in this series until I reach my goal.
As I said earlier, I haven't been under 200 lb since I was in high school, so deciding on a goal is a bit difficult for me. From the ideal weight calculators I've used, I've found anything from 160 lb (73 kg), to 175 lb (79 kg).
I figure as I get closer, it'll be easier to know.
But there's also the problem that I haven't the slightest idea how I actually look at any given weight, since I'm blind.
My strategy I think will be that as I approach my goal weight, I'll periodically ask a trusted, sighted friend to let me know what weight looks best on me.
For now I'm picking 165 lb (75 kg), only because it seems to be middle-of-the-road for my height.
But I'm setting smaller goals every 50 lb until then. Largely, I'll be super happy once I'm under 300 lb. Next will be 250, then 200. All will be huge milestones for me.
I'm hoping to reach 300 lb by January 1. That's not set in stone but I think that's reasonable.
I'm going to let Christine also tell her part in this, since she's joining me on this journey as well.
Ever since I could remember, I loved to eat. Food, to me, was like air to everyone else. Give me chocolate and you're my best friend forever. I don't know if I was ever skinny, since I loved food so much. Coming from an Italian family, food was akin to believing in a savior. We had some of our best conversations and memories while eating.
As I said, I was never thin. I was “pleasantly plump” as a stranger pointed out to me once. I remember a day when I was 99 lb (45 kg). I would weigh myself all the time just for fun, and because I loved the blinking numbers on the scale. I really wanted to make 100 lb, so I ate chocolate until the scale said I was 100 lb. Note I was probably nine-years-old at the time ha.
I never used to care about my weight much. When I was in eighth grade, I had a PE teacher who was concerned about my weight, and so she tried introducing me to healthier eating. I tried while she was around, but I didn't really take it seriously. As I went to college and after, my weight crept up more and more until now.
I am 4'11" (150 cm) tall, and I should weigh 125 lb (57 kg) or so. My start weight was 251 lb (114 kg)). I realized I needed to lose weight because it has been harder and harder to get up the stairs for my job. Plus, my heart sometimes bothers me, and my joints hurt. So overall, I just knew it was time to do this for me.
My younger sister has tried telling me I had to lose weight. She would always tell me she was concerned, but that just made me feel more self-conscious. News flash: it never helps when people point out you need to lose weight, even out of love. So I finally realized this journey is mine, not because people told me I should, but because I know it's time.
I have tried calorie counting before, and it used to be really hard. I gave up over and over, but now I am doing it in a much easier and more manageable way. I am optimistic this will work. Why do I think it will work now when it hasn't before? Simple: because I'm finally ready to make some changes and be healthy.
Our Progress So Far
Okay, back to Brandon again. 🙂
So, I'm going to share our progress log thus far, as well as our before pictures that I convinced my mother to take when we came back from vacation. These are from September 6, taken in front of our sun room. 🙂
I'll do the pictures periodically. It's a bit tough since we have to get someone sighted to take them. But perhaps every month or two I'll get an updated picture taken.
So here are our pictures first of all:
Now for our progress log, I am showing the weekly average of our weights. We both weigh in daily and take the weekly average as the most accurate indicator of our progress, since body weight fluctuates daily.
- Start weight: 332.0 lb (150.6 kg)
- Week 1 average: 329.7 lb (149.5 kg)
- Week 2 average: 325.3 lb (147.6 kg)
- Lost so far: 6.7 lb (3.0 kg)
- Start weight: 251.8 lb (114.2 kg)
- Week 1 average: N/A (she only weighed herself once this week)
- Week 2 average: 242.9 lb (110.2 kg)
- Lost so far: 8.9 lb (4.0 kg)
Oops, this got a bit longer than I intended.
There's lots more to discuss, so next week I'll let you know what our process has been so far, and what we tried that didn't work.
I also sometime want to discuss common LOA approaches to losing weight, and why a lot of them just don't work.
No, I haven't forgotten the topic of this blog. 😛
This is totally selfish, but it'd mean a lot if you'd let me know if you are interested in this series. I'm putting this post out there as a test, and I'll continue it if and only if it resonates with at least some of you.
If you have questions, suggestions, or even just encouragement, I'd love to hear it. 🙂
Last of all, I thank you for joining me on this journey.