One of the most common questions I receive is how to deal with resistance.
Of course my usual answer is mindfulness, but that often takes time to learn how to use effectively, and is even more difficult when the resistance is overwhelming.
So what can you do when you have a big desire, but are running into huge resistance?
Is there a method that can just melt away that resistance effortlessly?
I don't want to promise more than I can deliver. Any technique will take practice, and there is no silver bullet to instantly and irrevocably remove any and all resistance.
However, if you regularly apply the techniques I'll discuss in this post, you will find it far easier to remove stubborn resistance.
What Is Resistance, Anyway?
Resistance is one of those words thrown about, but it might not always be clear what precisely we mean by resistance.
So I'm going to give a simple, and hopefully clear, definition. I'll explain that definition, but throughout this section of the post, I'll clarify the definition until we come to something much more precise.
To break it down a bit, resistance deals with two types of thoughts: thoughts about that which exists now in current reality, and thoughts about that which does not yet exist, but is only a possibility.
For instance, you could have resistance about your current job. It's in current reality, so it's not imagined.
But, you could also have resistance about future possibilities.
For example, you might have resistance about the possibility of getting fired. Or, you might fear (resist) getting rejected by a love interest. Or, you may want to make more money, and so resist the possibility of this not happening.
But resistance also deals with two types of internal actions: pushing against, or clinging to.
The most common is pushing against, and includes all the examples above.
- You push against being poor
- You push against your current job
- you push against being rejected
- You push against sickness
- You push against your business not growing
You get the idea.
But there is also clinging to, which is also resistance:
- You cling to your current relationship
- You cling to having more money
- You cling to the weekend before having to go back to work
- You cling to a good book
- You cling to that client signing up
So in short, that which we push against, we are trying to avoid our experience of, or at least shorten that experience. Meanwhile, that which we cling to, we are trying to ensure our experience of, or prolong that experience.
Pushing against is most commonly in our awareness, because we often live our lives by what we are trying to avoid.
However, these are two sides of the same coin. Every pushing against also has a clinging to.
- You push against being poor, and cling to having money
- You push against your current job, and cling to its absence
- you push against being rejected, and cling to being accepted
- You push against sickness, and cling to health
- You push against your business not growing, and cling to its growth
- You cling to your current relationship, and push against it ending
- You cling to having more money, and push against poverty
- You cling to the weekend before having to go back to work, and push against that work
- You cling to a good book, and push against its ending
- You cling to that client signing up, and push against them refusing
so perhaps in that definition above, we should change “or” to “and”, as such:
To make things easier, let's call that “clinging to” attachment, and “pushing against” aversion, for the duration of this post.
And finally, let us say that we can only resist thoughts, not actual things out there. If you are resisting your job, it's more correct to say that you are resisting the thought of that job, not the physical manifestation of the job itself.
That is, if your thoughts were different about this job, then you might not resist it. The job itself doesn't require your resistance.
So let's make one final change to our definition to meet the above two qualifications:
One last thought before moving on: it is also possible to have an aversion to that which you have an attachment, and to have an attachment to that which you have an aversion.
For instance, you might be attached to making more money. But you have a hidden aversion, in the form of fear of success: perhaps you fear it will make you a bad person, or you are afraid of the greater taxes you will have to pay, etc. And therefore you may also have an attachment to being poor, because it is safer than being rich in your mind.
This is quite common, and one of the greatest reasons for people struggling to manifest their desires.
The Trap of Desire
Now there is a hidden trap which is hard to perceive, until you have the above definition clearly in mind.
Again, resistance is the attachment and aversion to thought.
Now think of your desire.
Let's say your desire is, “I intend to receive $1,000 more per month.”
When you think of that thought, what comes up?
Do you think, just maybe, that you could have an attachment to it?
Here's the way to tell: what happens when you think about not having that desire?
Don't worry, the Universe won't implode if you think that thought, I promise.
But, don't you have an aversion to not having that desire?
So, you may be able to see the trap. Very simply: you have an attachment to the desire (which is a thought), and an aversion to its lack.
So, we run into a bit of a dilemma: the mere act of having your desire creates resistance.
For small desires, this isn't such an issue. The resistance is small, and so easily overcome.
But the bigger the desire, the greater the attachment to it, and so the greater the resistance, and the harder it is to achieve by usual methods.
Any truly useful method of manifestation will have to address this basic limitation of desire: the more you want it, the harder it is to get.
This is an essential truth we all know by now, and hopefully the above explains exactly why that is. The more you want something, the more of an attachment you have to it, and an aversion to its opposite, and therefore the more resistance you have.
The method that circumvents this limitation is exactly what I will discuss in this post. However, for a complete understanding of how it works, I highly recommend private one-on-one coaching with me, or joining our upcoming mastermind.
The Technique to Melt Any Resistance
So what is the technique that can eliminate the resistance to your desires?
It will seem pretty simple once I mention it, and you may also already know it from some of my previous posts.
It is, in a word, acceptance.
About a year ago, I wrote extensively on what I called radical acceptance, which is a term I borrowed from Joe Tabbanella in his course, Hypnosis and the Law of Attraction.
In essence, radical acceptance is the willingness to fully and completely accept anything and everything that arises in awareness.
Synonyms for acceptance include: allowing, welcoming, letting go, etc.
And yes, mindfulness is also included here, but many people find the above terms more useful and easier to apply than simple “mindfulness”.
So how can acceptance help you to manifest your desire?
Well, as I said above, any useful method will have to take into consideration the equivalence between desire and attachment.
Well, as I said earlier in the post, our mind is often driven by our aversions. We may have an attachment to money, for example, but the aversion to the lack of money is the stronger of the two, and so we continually have fearful thoughts about not having money.
Those fearful thoughts, of course, occupy more of our thoughts than the having of money, and so we manifest not having money.
But, you only occupy your thoughts with these fears exactly because you have an aversion to them.
Okay, let's do a quick experiment:
Imagine what percentage of your day, in the last 24 hours, you spent worrying about your desire not coming to you, or avoiding negative thoughts about it.
Now, imagine what percentage of your day in the last 24 hours you spent thinking about the possibility of a meteor crashing through your roof?
Which was higher?
I'm guessing the aversion to your fear-based thoughts was a far higher percentage than the fear of a meteor strike.
Because you don't have active subconscious programs telling you that a meteor could strike at any moment. Even though, that is definitely a real, albeit remote, possibility.
Even thinking about that, for most people, won't cause any negative emotion at all. There's nothing in your subconscious mind linking that reality to you.
But, you do have plenty in your subconscious mind that is linking the lack of your desire to you, and so thoughts about that are far more common.
If you were to release that subconscious program, then your mind wouldn't be so filled with fearful thoughts about your desire.
How to Use Acceptance to Melt Away Your Resistance
But now, let's try another experiment:
Bring up your desire in mind right now.
Do you feel how you almost immediately have a negative feeling somewhere in your body about that desire? It might be a feeling of stuckness, or tightness.
Now ask yourself, are you fighting this negative feeling? Are you pushing away the thought of your desire not happening?
Some people are good at hiding those negative feelings from themselves, so let's intensify it: imagine for a moment that no matter what you did, how hard you tried, you never got your desire.
Good, now do you have that negative feeling?
And do you notice how there is almost instantly more tension in your body?
That is you, trying to fight these negative thoughts and feelings, because you fear they will happen to you.
And finally, make a decision here in this moment to stop fighting them.
Give them complete acceptance to be here as long as they need to. And even give them love, as love is a higher form of acceptance.
Deliberately let go of the tension in your body, and just accept everything that arises.
If you don't know how to accept, then just say “yes” to those thoughts and feelings. Saying “yes” is the same as accepting them. And no, you won't manifest these things just because you are saying “yes” to them. That's not how it works.
At first, the feelings may actually get worse. You've repressed them for who knows how long, and they're finally getting a chance to speak up.
But, after a moment or two, things will quiet down.
If you have fear about accepting these feelings, then accept the fear; say “yes” to the fear.
And if you have doubt about how this could help, just say “yes” to that doubt, too.
For the next few minutes, just completely accept everything that arises in awareness.
And then, as it starts to quiet down, begin to love everything that arises in awareness.
Love the fear. Love the doubt. Love the thoughts of lack.
Do you notice how your mind begins to quiet down?
It's no longer fighting so hard to repress the negative, and so there's not so much need for activity.
Allow yourself to sink into an expansive feeling of peace.
And even say “yes” to the peace, and allow it to deepen.
The Power of Saying “Yes”
The great thing is that you can use this at any time. You can use it in the middle of your day when a bit of fear arises. Just say “yes” to the fear and allow it to flow away.
When doubts arise about your desire, just say “yes” to those doubts, and they will naturally leave.
And as you do this, day-after-day, you'll notice your mind being able to focus more on your desire without resistance.
And you'll also notice that when you do focus on the desire, there's no longer such a need to make it happen now.
The attachment is gone, because you've accepted the aversion.
So now it's just a choice, not a need. You can simply choose to hold that desire in awareness.
Remember how I said desire is linked with attachment? As you do this, that attachment is released, and so the desire becomes more of a pure intention, rather than a need.
And you'll also notice that the emotion around the desire isn't so intense. You'll feel a light sense of joy around it, or even peace. But it won't be an intense excitement or anything like that.
Don't try to artificially hype up the emotions. Just let them be as calm or intense as they are.
And I promise that as you do this, your desire will come so much more quickly. You no longer have a need to fear resistance, so it won't bother you as much, and the desire will just pop into your reality.
So what's the secret to getting rid of your resistance? Simply saying “yes” to anything and everything that arises in awareness, and optionally, sending love to it.
Acceptance and love cannot co-exist with resistance and fear. Where there is acceptance, there cannot be fear, and vice versa.
So choose what you'd rather fill your mind with, then do that.
How About You?
Now it's your turn. What did you experience when you said “yes” to your resistance? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.